judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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