2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
