we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
