Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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