So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
