If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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