Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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