i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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