i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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