her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
