Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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