I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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