Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
