I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
