my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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