wat bout pragnant strippers??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
