I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
