your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The beer is more important than you right now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
