had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
