Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
