my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
