I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
