Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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