ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
