Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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