so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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