Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
