In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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