She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
