K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
