the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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