I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
