Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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