can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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