So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
