I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
