hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
