I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
