I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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