I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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