the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
