she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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