I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
