Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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