That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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