lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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