I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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