Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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