after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
