New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
