I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
40s are totally the cure
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
