Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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