So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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