Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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