So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
