i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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